Recovery: An Opportunity for Discovery
April 19th, 2012 jrust
I have the opportunity to introduce to you, Heather Purdin, M.Ed., CTRS, RYT. I met Heather online and have gotten to enjoy her brisk, lively writing style. I asked her if she would like to be a part of my online world by writing a blog for me weekly. I was thrilled when she said yes! I’m sure you’ll enjoy her writing and her knowledge of eating disorders as much as I do!
Hindsight really does provide a great view. As I child, I held the world in my hands. Bright, articulate, and resourceful, I was creatively expressive and I had a joyous sense of humor. I was also empathic, friendly, and caring. It is almost easy to forget the other half of the story; I was so unhappy. I certainly did not see myself in the light I do today.
Growing up, I simply do not remember there being much I actually liked about myself. This was not due to a lack of external affirmations. Rather, it was as if one negative could rule out all positives.
Thanks to my infamous “terrible twos” temper tantrums, one of my first nicknames was Stormy Heather. Next, I was crowned Worry Wart, which I earned for the imaginative calamities I was able to conjure in my mind even as a child. Around kindergarten, I remember being told I was too shy. In grade school, my peers considered me a nerd. In middle school, I was too sensitive – a cry baby. In high school, I took things too seriously – a drama queen! If you notice a running theme, it is that despite my strengths, I was hyper focused on any criticism that came my way.
I was not popular enough. I was not pretty enough. I was not good enough!
I viewed myself as fundamentally… flawed.
I had anxiety as a very young child. By age 7, I was being monitored by school nurses for depressive symptoms. By age 10, I began using food as a way to soothe thy soul, first through overeating. Coupled with the changes occurring in my body during puberty, I gained weight and became chubby. Of all of the criticisms I ever received, this one stung the most.
“I’m going on a diet,” I decided. As any good student does, I began educating myself about my subject matter, which was losing weight. I was not the only one adopting this trend. The few friends I had were also weight focused. In fact, we would weigh ourselves together during sleepovers. By age 12, the seemingly innocent diet had morphed into an eating disorder.
As I carved away more space for the eating disorder, I was slowly becoming a hollow shell of my former self. Remember, I did not much care for my flawed former self, so I clung to the anorexia like a new friend with great promise. I began putting most of my energy into learning about eating disorders. I checked out every single book in the school library about it. I wrote school papers on the topic. I watched all of the talk shows and TV movies I could find. I browsed recipes for fun. I took up gourmet cooking. I even collected images of thinspiration.
I went from being a young woman with anorexia to becoming an anorexic. It became my entire identity.
The eating disorder was fulfilling in many ways.
1. I became unique—extraordinary in fact: This made me different, special.
2. I felt strong. I had a perceived ability to exert self-control over food and weight.
3. It empowered me. If I worked hard enough, I might just become the best at something.
4. It became a coping skill. The behaviors and obsessions became a distraction from anxiety & depression, at least in the moment.
5. It gave me meaning. I had invested significant time, energy, and passion into the eating disorder. It was comparable in importance to that of a career. Who would I be without it?
For years, I half-convinced myself that the eating disorder was filling the void. Basically, I did not know what the incentive for change might be. “And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” Anais Nin
While it certainly served a purpose, it was also robbing me of everything I thought it was giving me.
1. There are at least ten million girls, boys, women, and men in the country who also suffer from eating disorders. I was not terribly special for having it.
2. Nearing 30 years of age and still struggling, I was totally out of control.
3. The chase for perfection left me feeling utterly powerless. I ran after the goal for almost twenty years and never felt good enough. In the pursuit of thinness, good enough and thin enough are rewarded only by a grave marker.
4. My coping skill was flawed. In the end, the anxiety and depression only grow worse.
5. I had no sense of meaning. I wasted nearly two decades of time, energy, and passion for something which would never allow me to express my fullest potential. Who was I now?
Admitting that I had been living a lie was absolutely devastating and I was terrified to let go of the eating disorder! I feared there would be nothing left of me. At the same time, I knew it that ED was the ultimate frenemy. Have you heard that saying, “Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me?” Basically, I knew it was time to do something about this. I decided, “Maybe this struggle is an opportunity to recreate myself. Maybe I can shed the eating disorder by redefining who I am. Maybe recovery is an opportunity for discovery.” For me, this was a turning point! Recovery became an exciting adventure rather than a scary question mark.
As you let go of the eating disorder, you have a chance to fill your life with inspiration. This is your chance to explore, experiment, discover, recover, recreate, and enJOY life beyond the shackles of ED.
Six Sure-fire Ways to Infuse Your Identity with Inspiration
1. Be open to the possibility that what you currently believe may be only part of the story. There are two sides to every coin. I have come to learn that many of my perceived flaws are also my greatest strengths. For example, by being sensitive, I am more able to be empathic and intuitive.
2. Reflect on your personal values. The values we hold can be physical, interpersonal, psychological, and spiritual. Examples might include: relationships, health, happiness, truth, community, gratitude. How do your values contribute to the concept of recovery or healing? How does the eating disorder fit into this relationship?
3. Redefine Beauty. Begin by sitting down and writing out your answer to the following question, “What is beauty?” If this is difficult for you, consider the things for which you hold gratitude. There is usually great beauty in the things we are thankful for. Then, ask at least three people whom you greatly respect to write out their definitions of beauty. With a highlighter in hand, make note of what resonates with you while reading their replies. What are you willing to integrate into your current definition of beauty? Now, rewrite your new definition of beauty. Tape it to your mirror!
4. Make a Bucket List for Wellness. Having an eating disorder poses limitations on our abilities. Identify at least 20 things you look forward to doing with your newfound vitality and write them out on a piece of paper. Include both activities you look forward to resuming and anything you look forward to in the future (e.g. dancing, skydiving, having a family, traveling). Then, cut these motivating incentives into strips that you can fold and store in a box or basket. Pull them out when you find yourself questioning your drive to get well. Add to your bucket list periodically to keep your inspiration fresh.
5. Warm Up Your Voice. Practice making decisions. Practice expressing your preferences. If this is new to you, it can be scary and confusing to identify and vocalize what you want, like, and prefer. However, this is the only way you can begin to live by your personal values. Start with every day scenarios. The next time you plan to go to a movie with a friend, offer your preference. You may, in turn, introduce your friend to new experiences and interests.
6. Dare to Dream. Having dreams requires an expression of courage. Believe in the beauty of your dreams.
You make your dreams come true one decision at a time. What are you willing to do today?
Discrimination Against People Who Are Obese Runs Rampant in the US
April 19th, 2012 jrust
I’ve got a riddle for you.
Who is it that we see working mostly at night, eating sugary and greasy food?
What is it that makes people cringe in disgust when they see them?
What is it that is the butt of bad jokes?
Who is it that earns less money?
Who is it that is denied health insurance?
Who is unhappy and miserable all the time?
Who is it that continually faces negative attitudes and prejudice?
Who is it that has no self-control, is lazy, stupid and ugly?
The last socially acceptable prejudice is against fat people.
Americans are heavier and heavier. Fast food, junk food, greasy food, and sugary foods rather than being treats now constitute the bulk of an American’s diet. Even though Americans are getting fatter, the ideal body shape is getting thinner. Because the differences between fat people and thin people are growing greater, the prejudice against heavy people is becoming greater.
Fat people are unhappy and miserable not because they’re facing health threats but because of prejudice and negative attitudes. Overweight people start to hate themselves, can develop eating disorders, and injure themselves through fad diets repeated over and over.
Overweight men and women are discriminated against in the workplace, are either not hired or are paid lower wages because they’re fat. They are denied health insurance because of their weight. Everyone around them, family, friends, and even strangers will shout epithets such as Fatty while constantly judging them.
The media is not kind to heavy people. They might be on TV but they are not the stars of the show. They are less likely to date or to have sex.
Discrimination is shown in three areas: education, health care, and in the workplace. 28% of teachers believe that being obese is one of the worst things that can happen to a person; 24% of nurses said they found obese people to be ‘repulsive.” Many physicians, dietitians, and mental health professionals are prejudiced towards people that are obese. How many times have we heard an eating disorder patient say that he/she would rather be dead than fat?
Can you image going to your doctor’s office and seeing the nurse or the doctor himself recoil when he begins to treat you?
I have written previously about helping heavy people become accepting of themselves. I have also written before about the discrimination and prejudice against fat people, including adults and children and each time I do, I feel angry and more than a little ill.
I teach my staff that each one of these women is a child of God. I ask for them to look for that tiny light inside of them that is covered up by the huge house. Once they see the little light, they know that there is a sensitive, fearful person in there.
Some of the most spiritual work a psychotherapist can do is to treat someone who is obese. We can treat these special clients with dignity and respect. We might not help them lose weight, but we can treat them honorably while they are learning to respect themselves.
As a nation, support the National Association To Advance Fat Acceptance (NAAFA). The mission of NAAFA is to provide equal opportunity for fat people wherever discrimination is present. We need to help NAAFA have a broader presence because so many people in the US today are obese.
From the Kingdom of Ordinary Time
April 14th, 2012 jrust
I personally had a rocky relationship with my mother. We were enmeshed for the first 40 years of my life, then we became estranged. I read this poem today that was sent to one of my groups on Linked In by Reda Rackley. I immediately resonated with the thought that yes, it’s possible for me to forgive my mother.
Let me know what you think!
Reda Rackley 3:15pm Apr 13
Just heard this on NPR – thining of my mama today!
A poem by Marie Howe, from The Kingdom of Ordinary Time.
***
Bless my mother’s body, the first song of her beating
heart and her breathing, her voice, which I could dimly hear,
grew louder. From inside her body I heard almost every word she said.
Within that girl I drove to the store and back, her feet pressing
pedals of the blue car, her voice, first gate to the cold sunny mornings,
rain, moonlight, snow fall, dogs…
Her kidneys failed, the womb where I once lived is gone.
Her young astonished body pushed me down that long corridor,
and my body hurt her, I know that – 24 years old. I’m old enough
to be that girl’s mother, to smooth her hair, to look into her exultant
frightened eyes, her bedsheets stained with chocolate, her heart in constant failure.
It’s a girl, someone must have said. She must have kissed me
with her mouth, first grief, first air,
and soon I was drinking her, first food, I was eating my mother
slumped in her wheelchair, one of my brothers pushing it,
across the snowy lawn, her eyes fixed, her face averted.
Bless this body she made, my long legs, her long arms and fingers,
our voice in my throat speaking to you now.
The Power of One
April 11th, 2012 jrust
The Power of ONE
Dear Survivor,
As a therapist who treats eating disorders, I have worked with many women, men, and families who fought to overcome their illness and reclaim a life beyond calorie obsessions, food phobias, and irrational fear of weight gain. Often, when they first made the courageous effort to step into my office, they would ask, “What can I do to fix this problem?” For years I struggled to answer this question due to the sheer number of issues involved, and the unique and complex way this illness affects each individual. However, my clients have taught me a great deal about recovery, and my answer is now fairly simple: it involves the concept of the Power of ONE.
Recovery from an eating disorder can be a long and challenging process, so if you are feeling discouraged or overwhelmed about beginning or continuing this journey, just remember the Power of ONE:
to take ONE second, minute, or day at a time,
to set ONE goal at a time,
to have ONE conversation at a time,
to deal with ONE problem at a time,
to eat ONE more bite or meal than you are prepared for,
to resist ONE more binge episode,
to reduce your number of purge episodes by ONE more,
to make ONE more healthy choice,
to establish ONE treatment team that you can rely on,
to find at least ONE passion that gives you the desire to fight for your life,
to reach out to ONE friend at a time,
to take your medicine ONE more day,
to do ONE fun thing you enjoy,
to find ONE more thing you appreciate about your body,
to dream about ONE life worth living,
to take ONE more breath in order to calm yourself down,
to find ONE solution to a problem and then ONE more if necessary,
to get up ONE more time than you fall down,
to remember ONE more person who loves you,
to go to ONE more doctor’s appointment,
to follow your meal plan for ONE more meal,
to talk back to ED ONE more time,
to take ONE more break if you need to
and then continue to put ONE foot in front of the other even when you feel discouraged,
to find ONE more reason to survive this illness,
to remember ONE successful thing you accomplished today,
to remember ONE more good quality you possess,
to create ONE balanced lifestyle,
to trust your body and treat it right for ONE more day,
to set ONE more boundary to protect yourself,
to confront ONE more person if you need to,
to stand up for yourself ONE more time,
to identify and process ONE more emotion at a time,
to defy ONE more myth about eating disorders,
to recognize ONE more unrealistic expectation and re-define it to something that is useful to you,
and to define, reclaim, and embrace the ONE and only you who is good enough, caring enough, attractive enough, smart enough, successful enough, funny enough, healthy enough, and powerful enough to create ONE life worth living with the ultimate goal of being ONE more person who did what it takes each and every day to survive this illness.
Sincerely,
Someone who believes in you
By: Tamara Richardson, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist, part-time private practice clinician in Stillwater, Oklahoma, and a senior clinical counselor at Oklahoma State