I maintained this pattern of moving even when I became an emancipated minor in my late teens. It became a fairly predictable cycle. Move. Start fresh. Get stale. Move again. At seventeen, I picked up and moved from Maine to Washington State. Today, I would probably be terrified of making such a drastic change on a whim, but I was officially an adult, at least according to the courts, and I was more than ready to start over –again! When I moved to Washington, it took less than two months before my fresh start became stale.
You see, I had already established myself as a revolving door patient, in and out of one eating disorder program to the next. I always had a team of therapists, doctors, dieticians, etc… My friendships started out where I presented myself as a young and intelligent go-getter, and I was. However, I also tried to pretend I did not have any issues. Eventually, I would “purge” out all of my deepest, darkest secrets, usually overwhelming the one or two people who I would allow to know the real me. Once I burned out the friends, treatment providers, and programs in the area, I would start looking for the next place to start fresh. I honestly thought I would eventually move out of the eating disorder and into recovery.

The problem with my theory was this; you cannot run from yourself! “Wherever you go, there you are!” It took a good ten years (and at least ten more moves) before I realized my theory of moving away from my problems was not an effective remedy. For all of those years, I had hoped I would find the magical therapist or treatment center that would cure me. It never occurred to me that I was the one who had to save me. I was never actually taught that I held the key to change. Perhaps I was and I just could not swallow that in my fairy tale version of recovery, where someone was supposed to sweep in to rescue me from myself.
I have had ample opportunity to gather tools, resources, and skills. Treatment centers, such as Mirasol, provide a chance to break free from unhealthy and ineffective patterns while in a safe, supportive environment. Hopefully, you develop a positive relationship with the treatment providers who arm you with recovery tools and skills that you can utilize when you leave treatment. You gain insight, confidence, and an opportunity to exercise your recovery muscles as you experiment with applying your new skills before you graduate and venture back to your life outside of treatment. This is what a great treatment program does best! You are taught how to accept, cope, and thrive in the ebb and flow of life. You learn that when push comes to shove, you are your greatest ally as much as you were your greatest enemy.

Here is where I had a major disconnect. My tool belt looked a little too picture perfect. I had all of the tools in the right places, but I never used them on the job. Basically, I had a really hard time helping myself. I just kept gathering tools and not using them! I thought I would be a whole new person when I found the right treatment program. They were going to take all of my issues, crumble them up, and do away with them completely—you know, like magic! Ta-dah! They were going to transform me! After an effective treatment experience, I realized the magic of recovery is being willing to take what you are given and work it. You have to grab the tools out of your tool belt and continue to build your new identity and lifestyle one brick at a time. If you want to recover, there is no way around this.

There is a lot more to building a home than laying a foundation and framing the structure! There is also a lot more to the process to building your recovery than going into treatment. Starting treatment is a courageous first step, but the journey requires putting one foot in front of the other, over and over and over, especially when you leave treatment.

Chances are that you (or your family member) will not leave treatment cured, completely free of all urges, forever. Recovery presents challenges, especially during periods of transitions. Even if outdated and no longer useful, there is often an urge to retreat to old ways of coping during times of change. Graduating from treatment is one of the first major transitions that will call upon your recovery tenacity and patience. You will have to apply and re-apply your skills, even when no one is watching. You do not have to make the commitment forever. Today is enough. When things are especially difficult, I always seek comfort in the fact that today is the only day I really have. Stubborn and tough as nails, I can get through anything, at least for today.

Shaping new behavior and thought patterns are not easy tasks. We are creatures of habit, so it is only natural to require a lot of practice and repetition to unlearn one habit and replace it with a new behavior. For example, I have been using “paper or plastic” at the grocery store for over a decade. I have had reusable tote bags in my car for well over a year now. I want to use less plastic, but only over the last few weeks have I ever remembered to bring the canvas totes into the store with me, so I could actually use less plastic. I would usually only remember my totes while checking out or while loading groceries into my car. I am finally learning to enter the store with tote bags in hand.

As you pack your bags, whether figuratively or metaphorically, remember this…Wherever you go, there you are. Break open your tool box, put on your tool belt, grab the tools you need for the job, and build your life one day at a time.

For my next guest blog contribution, I am going to introduce to you a coping tool that is also always with you wherever you go, so stay tuned!

Heather Purdin, M.Ed., RYT

Chose the time of the day that you have more energy and a place that you can move freely. If you can be outside, do so. If not, bring nature inside with a flower vase, a picture of a landscape, sounds of water, etc.
Light up a perfumed candle, insence or just spray the air with your favorite fragance. I love to use sage! Get that music that you really love to hear. Drink water.

5 Minutes – journaling
As the music starts to play, seat and write down your deepest thoughts and feelings by scaning your body for sensations. Perhaps a tighteness on the neck or a stiffnesss on the back? Write what comes to your mind and a healing intention. What do you need? Perhaps courage? Peace? More laugher? Pain relief? Write that down on the paper.

5 mins – moving & breathing
As the song continues to play, stand up and start moving – it does not matter if it is fast or slow – just feel the music and let it dance you. For every movement – a breath.
Begin by shifting your body weight from side to side. Focus on on body part at a time. Start on the feet, then knees, legs, hips, torso, arms, hands, head.

Like the waves in the ocean, never stop, let one move folow another, until the music ends. BREATH.
Perhaps you will feel the need to do it longer. So, let the music repeat. At the end, come to center by aligning your feet, hip width apart, knees slightly bent.
Lay your hands on your belly as you say a mental THANK YOU for being alive.

Write down how you feel changed. This naturally and profoundly moves you to transcend into becoming your higher self, who can create the best solution for you and achieve your greater good – every moment in your life – always rightly synchronizing with the universe’s power to change what is wrong to what is more right for you than you ever imagined.

I read a Buddhist story about two monks walking down a country road. They came to a stream and there was a woman trying to cross. She explained that she was afraid to attempt the crossing and one of the monks offered to carry her across. She thanked him and they all walked on to their own destinations. After about an hour of walking, the monk who did not carry the woman across the water said “How could you touch that woman? That is not right!!!” The other monk said “I put her down on the other side of the stream. It seems that you are still carrying her.” The first monk was helpful and did not think of it again but the other monk was in judgment.

Being in the moment is a hard task to achieve unless you practice it. The way I practice is by paying attention on my body: the way I am breathing, walking, feeling, my posture, my feet…

In order to develop a full awareness of the present moment I like to meditate in motion, when I can expand the sensations of the body through my senses.

This habit puts me in alignment with the moment.
However, when a moment shows up, that is not so attractive, I use this 10-10-10 rule:

What difference will this make in 10 days? What difference will this make in 10 months? What difference will this make in 10 years?

Shift your perception so that you always have wonderful moments.

Dove recently relaunched their self-esteem/body image program in the UK (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ElKFK6rRHNY&feature=relmfu andhttp://www.dove.co.uk/dsep/support-tools/workshops.html ).

According to Dove, this program has already reached over 800 000 young people and they aim to reach one million by the end of 2012. Evidence for the effectiveness of previous versions has not been overwhelming positive in terms of the program’s ability to improve self-esteem and reduce body dissatisfaction among adolescents (see Richardson, Paxton, & Thomson, 2009). This is just one example of the many body image and eating disorder prevention programs that are being disseminated without a strong evidence base.

Four questions stem from this- feel free to respond to one or all:

1) Should we applaud the increased attention on body image and eating disorders, despite the lack of evidence that the program is as effective as it could be?
2) Is it enough to simply ‘raise awareness’, or should we always be aiming for reductions in body image concerns and disordered behaviours?
3) Is it our role as eating disorder and body image professionals to question and speak up about the dissemination of programs that lack a sound evidence base?
4) Are self-esteem oriented programs the most effective way to reduce body dissatisfaction?

“Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.” ~ Margaret Mead

Sometimes it is the smallest gestures that have the most profound impact. Who would have thought a post-it note with a short and sweet message such as “You are Beautiful!” would lead to a national trend? Caitlin Boyle certainly did not, but that did not stop her from sewing the seed that has now become the masterpiece known as, Operation Beautiful™.

Her goal was to combat the societal epidemic of negative self-talk by countering it with a positive message. She first left the messages on mirrors in public restrooms at her work, gym, and local grocery store. She explains, “Maybe some people read them and just smile, but I bet some people are truly touched by the effort of a random stranger.”

She eventually created a website and began putting the web address on the notes so people could join the mission as a community. In the battle against toxic self-talk, the Operation Beautiful™ website is a sort of headquarters always recruiting more soldiers to walk the talk!

Glamour Magazine, Women’s Day, Oprah Winfrey Network, and The Today Show have all taken notice. Today, Caitlin’s website receives thousands of hits from across the Globe from others who contribute to the cause. She just published her second book, which feature collections of others! (Remember, this all started with a simple post-it note and a positive mind.)

I found an Operation Beautiful™ note and joined the cause two years ago. Since, I have organized three “Operation Beautiful™” benefits, reaching hundreds of attendees. Hopefully, some of these folks have gone on to spread the positivity. Regardless, the funds raised have been passed onto Project HEAL: Help to Eat, Accept, & Live, a nonprofit organization started by three brilliant teenagers that helps individuals battling eating disorders access the treatment they need.

Prevention + Intervention = REAL HOPE!

YOU can become part of the equation, part of the solution! Here is how:
What supplies do I need? This is the best part! This activity is incredibly accessible because it requires inexpensive items common to most households. Traditional supplies include: post-it notes as well as pens, pencils, gel pens, and/or markers. There are all sorts of shapes, sizes, and colors of post-it notes you can look for if you want to invest a few dollars into the project. You can always incorporate stickers too.

What do I write and where do I post the notes? Get creative and even animated. You can spread around your favorite quotes or make up your own inspirational messages. If you struggle with self-image yourself, just imagine what it is you might really need to hear today and then spread the love! You can embellish your messages by adding doodles, using different color combinations, and even drawing quick sketches to help your message capture one’s attention. It really comes down to how many notes you want to make and how much time you have to devote to the project.

People are now expanding the mission by using chalk on sidewalks and using non-permanent markets to draw directly on mirrors. Just be careful to respect public and private property by using methods that can easily be removed. By the way, if you walk by later and find your message is missing, it may have been picked up and taken home by someone who really needed it!

If you leave the www.operationbeautiful.com website on the post-it, people can learn more about the mission. You can also leave the address of an eating disorder non-profit organization. Regardless of your choice, just keep this to positive propaganda please!

Below is a list of 15 possible locations, as well as examples of what you might write.

1. Bathroom mirrors (Look in the mirror and repeat after me, “You are beautiful!”)
2. Dressing room mirrors (Objects in the mirror are more beautiful than they appear!)
3. Bathroom stalls (Size does not matter. Love yourself always and forever!)
4. Lockers in the gym or at school (Go out into the world knowing you are loved)
5. Scales at the gym (A mind is a terrible thing to waste and a waist is a terrible thing to mind.)
6. Diet and beauty product aisles at the store (You are magnificent just the way you are.)
7. Diet ads or Photoshop images on magazine covers (REAL beauty is who you are!)
8. Self-help books at the library or bookstore (Rock Steady!)
9. Ice-cream shops (Life is short; eat dessert first!)
10. Children’s toy packages that encourage unrealistic body image (You are the twinkle in the stars.)
11. Public bulletin boards (You can do anything you set your mind too!)
12. Gas pumps (“Don’t worry about a thing. Every little thing is gonna be alright” –Bob Marley)
13. Random car windows in the parking lot (Smile! It’s beautiful and contagious.)
14. Inside your cabinet doors (You deserve to enjoy your life.)
15. On your refrigerator (Nourish your mind, body, and soul. Breathe deeply & repeat!)

Whether you run a treatment program, suffer from an eating disorder, have a loved one battling an eating disorder, or have recovered from one, you have wisdom to share, so go out and share it! My partner surprised me with a note a few days before we held our first Operation Beautiful™ benefit and I still cherish it!

One you get started, the ideas will start running and you might even have a difficult time keeping up with yourself. Remember, this will benefit you and someone else! It’s like feeding two birds with one seed. Beautiful indeed!

Hindsight really does provide a great view. As I child, I held the world in my hands. Bright, articulate, and resourceful, I was creatively expressive and I had a joyous sense of humor. I was also empathic, friendly, and caring. It is almost easy to forget the other half of the story; I was so unhappy. I certainly did not see myself in the light I do today.

Growing up, I simply do not remember there being much I actually liked about myself. This was not due to a lack of external affirmations. Rather, it was as if one negative could rule out all positives.
Thanks to my infamous “terrible twos” temper tantrums, one of my first nicknames was Stormy Heather. Next, I was crowned Worry Wart, which I earned for the imaginative calamities I was able to conjure in my mind even as a child. Around kindergarten, I remember being told I was too shy. In grade school, my peers considered me a nerd. In middle school, I was too sensitive – a cry baby. In high school, I took things too seriously – a drama queen! If you notice a running theme, it is that despite my strengths, I was hyper focused on any criticism that came my way.

I was not popular enough. I was not pretty enough. I was not good enough!
I viewed myself as fundamentally… flawed.

I had anxiety as a very young child. By age 7, I was being monitored by school nurses for depressive symptoms. By age 10, I began using food as a way to soothe thy soul, first through overeating. Coupled with the changes occurring in my body during puberty, I gained weight and became chubby. Of all of the criticisms I ever received, this one stung the most.

“I’m going on a diet,” I decided. As any good student does, I began educating myself about my subject matter, which was losing weight. I was not the only one adopting this trend. The few friends I had were also weight focused. In fact, we would weigh ourselves together during sleepovers. By age 12, the seemingly innocent diet had morphed into an eating disorder.

As I carved away more space for the eating disorder, I was slowly becoming a hollow shell of my former self. Remember, I did not much care for my flawed former self, so I clung to the anorexia like a new friend with great promise. I began putting most of my energy into learning about eating disorders. I checked out every single book in the school library about it. I wrote school papers on the topic. I watched all of the talk shows and TV movies I could find. I browsed recipes for fun. I took up gourmet cooking. I even collected images of thinspiration.

I went from being a young woman with anorexia to becoming an anorexic. It became my entire identity.

The eating disorder was fulfilling in many ways.

1. I became unique—extraordinary in fact: This made me different, special.
2. I felt strong. I had a perceived ability to exert self-control over food and weight.
3. It empowered me. If I worked hard enough, I might just become the best at something.
4. It became a coping skill. The behaviors and obsessions became a distraction from anxiety & depression, at least in the moment.
5. It gave me meaning. I had invested significant time, energy, and passion into the eating disorder. It was comparable in importance to that of a career. Who would I be without it?

For years, I half-convinced myself that the eating disorder was filling the void. Basically, I did not know what the incentive for change might be. “And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” Anais Nin

While it certainly served a purpose, it was also robbing me of everything I thought it was giving me.

1. There are at least ten million girls, boys, women, and men in the country who also suffer from eating disorders. I was not terribly special for having it.
2. Nearing 30 years of age and still struggling, I was totally out of control.
3. The chase for perfection left me feeling utterly powerless. I ran after the goal for almost twenty years and never felt good enough. In the pursuit of thinness, good enough and thin enough are rewarded only by a grave marker.
4. My coping skill was flawed. In the end, the anxiety and depression only grow worse.
5. I had no sense of meaning. I wasted nearly two decades of time, energy, and passion for something which would never allow me to express my fullest potential. Who was I now?

Admitting that I had been living a lie was absolutely devastating and I was terrified to let go of the eating disorder! I feared there would be nothing left of me. At the same time, I knew it that ED was the ultimate frenemy. Have you heard that saying, “Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me?” Basically, I knew it was time to do something about this. I decided, “Maybe this struggle is an opportunity to recreate myself. Maybe I can shed the eating disorder by redefining who I am. Maybe recovery is an opportunity for discovery.” For me, this was a turning point! Recovery became an exciting adventure rather than a scary question mark.

As you let go of the eating disorder, you have a chance to fill your life with inspiration. This is your chance to explore, experiment, discover, recover, recreate, and enJOY life beyond the shackles of ED.

Six Sure-fire Ways to Infuse Your Identity with Inspiration

1. Be open to the possibility that what you currently believe may be only part of the story. There are two sides to every coin. I have come to learn that many of my perceived flaws are also my greatest strengths. For example, by being sensitive, I am more able to be empathic and intuitive.
2. Reflect on your personal values. The values we hold can be physical, interpersonal, psychological, and spiritual. Examples might include: relationships, health, happiness, truth, community, gratitude. How do your values contribute to the concept of recovery or healing? How does the eating disorder fit into this relationship?
3. Redefine Beauty. Begin by sitting down and writing out your answer to the following question, “What is beauty?” If this is difficult for you, consider the things for which you hold gratitude. There is usually great beauty in the things we are thankful for. Then, ask at least three people whom you greatly respect to write out their definitions of beauty. With a highlighter in hand, make note of what resonates with you while reading their replies. What are you willing to integrate into your current definition of beauty? Now, rewrite your new definition of beauty. Tape it to your mirror!
4. Make a Bucket List for Wellness. Having an eating disorder poses limitations on our abilities. Identify at least 20 things you look forward to doing with your newfound vitality and write them out on a piece of paper. Include both activities you look forward to resuming and anything you look forward to in the future (e.g. dancing, skydiving, having a family, traveling). Then, cut these motivating incentives into strips that you can fold and store in a box or basket. Pull them out when you find yourself questioning your drive to get well. Add to your bucket list periodically to keep your inspiration fresh.
5. Warm Up Your Voice. Practice making decisions. Practice expressing your preferences. If this is new to you, it can be scary and confusing to identify and vocalize what you want, like, and prefer. However, this is the only way you can begin to live by your personal values. Start with every day scenarios. The next time you plan to go to a movie with a friend, offer your preference. You may, in turn, introduce your friend to new experiences and interests.
6. Dare to Dream. Having dreams requires an expression of courage. Believe in the beauty of your dreams.

You make your dreams come true one decision at a time. What are you willing to do today?

Who is it that we see working mostly at night, eating sugary and greasy food?

What is it that makes people cringe in disgust when they see them?

What is it that is the butt of bad jokes?

Who is it that earns less money?

Who is it that is denied health insurance?

Who is unhappy and miserable all the time?

Who is it that continually faces negative attitudes and prejudice?

Who is it that has no self-control, is lazy, stupid and ugly?

The last socially acceptable prejudice is against fat people.

Americans are heavier and heavier. Fast food, junk food, greasy food, and sugary foods rather than being treats now constitute the bulk of an American’s diet. Even though Americans are getting fatter, the ideal body shape is getting thinner. Because the differences between fat people and thin people are growing greater, the prejudice against heavy people is becoming greater.

Fat people are unhappy and miserable not because they’re facing health threats but because of prejudice and negative attitudes. Overweight people start to hate themselves, can develop eating disorders, and injure themselves through fad diets repeated over and over.

Overweight men and women are discriminated against in the workplace, are either not hired or are paid lower wages because they’re fat. They are denied health insurance because of their weight. Everyone around them, family, friends, and even strangers will shout epithets such as Fatty while constantly judging them.

The media is not kind to heavy people. They might be on TV but they are not the stars of the show. They are less likely to date or to have sex.

Discrimination is shown in three areas: education, health care, and in the workplace. 28% of teachers believe that being obese is one of the worst things that can happen to a person; 24% of nurses said they found obese people to be ‘repulsive.” Many physicians, dietitians, and mental health professionals are prejudiced towards people that are obese. How many times have we heard an eating disorder patient say that he/she would rather be dead than fat?

Can you image going to your doctor’s office and seeing the nurse or the doctor himself recoil when he begins to treat you?

I have written previously about helping heavy people become accepting of themselves. I have also written before about the discrimination and prejudice against fat people, including adults and children and each time I do, I feel angry and more than a little ill.

I teach my staff that each one of these women is a child of God. I ask for them to look for that tiny light inside of them that is covered up by the huge house. Once they see the little light, they know that there is a sensitive, fearful person in there.

Some of the most spiritual work a psychotherapist can do is to treat someone who is obese. We can treat these special clients with dignity and respect. We might not help them lose weight, but we can treat them honorably while they are learning to respect themselves.

As a nation, support the National Association To Advance Fat Acceptance (NAAFA). The mission of NAAFA is to provide equal opportunity for fat people wherever discrimination is present. We need to help NAAFA have a broader presence because so many people in the US today are obese.

EACH FLOWER IS FILMED FOR TWO DAYS, THEN PHOTOS ARE COLLATED TO GET THIS EFFECT.

Let me know what you think!

Reda Rackley 3:15pm Apr 13
Just heard this on NPR – thining of my mama today!

A poem by Marie Howe, from The Kingdom of Ordinary Time.

***

Bless my mother’s body, the first song of her beating

heart and her breathing, her voice, which I could dimly hear,

grew louder. From inside her body I heard almost every word she said.

Within that girl I drove to the store and back, her feet pressing

pedals of the blue car, her voice, first gate to the cold sunny mornings,

rain, moonlight, snow fall, dogs…

Her kidneys failed, the womb where I once lived is gone.

Her young astonished body pushed me down that long corridor,

and my body hurt her, I know that – 24 years old. I’m old enough

to be that girl’s mother, to smooth her hair, to look into her exultant

frightened eyes, her bedsheets stained with chocolate, her heart in constant failure.

It’s a girl, someone must have said. She must have kissed me

with her mouth, first grief, first air,

and soon I was drinking her, first food, I was eating my mother

slumped in her wheelchair, one of my brothers pushing it,

across the snowy lawn, her eyes fixed, her face averted.

Bless this body she made, my long legs, her long arms and fingers,

our voice in my throat speaking to you now.

Dear Survivor,

As a therapist who treats eating disorders, I have worked with many women, men, and families who fought to overcome their illness and reclaim a life beyond calorie obsessions, food phobias, and irrational fear of weight gain. Often, when they first made the courageous effort to step into my office, they would ask, “What can I do to fix this problem?” For years I struggled to answer this question due to the sheer number of issues involved, and the unique and complex way this illness affects each individual. However, my clients have taught me a great deal about recovery, and my answer is now fairly simple: it involves the concept of the Power of ONE.

Recovery from an eating disorder can be a long and challenging process, so if you are feeling discouraged or overwhelmed about beginning or continuing this journey, just remember the Power of ONE:

to take ONE second, minute, or day at a time,
to set ONE goal at a time,
to have ONE conversation at a time,
to deal with ONE problem at a time,
to eat ONE more bite or meal than you are prepared for,
to resist ONE more binge episode,
to reduce your number of purge episodes by ONE more,
to make ONE more healthy choice,
to establish ONE treatment team that you can rely on,
to find at least ONE passion that gives you the desire to fight for your life,
to reach out to ONE friend at a time,
to take your medicine ONE more day,
to do ONE fun thing you enjoy,
to find ONE more thing you appreciate about your body,
to dream about ONE life worth living,
to take ONE more breath in order to calm yourself down,
to find ONE solution to a problem and then ONE more if necessary,
to get up ONE more time than you fall down,
to remember ONE more person who loves you,
to go to ONE more doctor’s appointment,
to follow your meal plan for ONE more meal,
to talk back to ED ONE more time,
to take ONE more break if you need to
and then continue to put ONE foot in front of the other even when you feel discouraged,
to find ONE more reason to survive this illness,
to remember ONE successful thing you accomplished today,
to remember ONE more good quality you possess,
to create ONE balanced lifestyle,
to trust your body and treat it right for ONE more day,
to set ONE more boundary to protect yourself,
to confront ONE more person if you need to,
to stand up for yourself ONE more time,
to identify and process ONE more emotion at a time,
to defy ONE more myth about eating disorders,
to recognize ONE more unrealistic expectation and re-define it to something that is useful to you,
and to define, reclaim, and embrace the ONE and only you who is good enough, caring enough, attractive enough, smart enough, successful enough, funny enough, healthy enough, and powerful enough to create ONE life worth living with the ultimate goal of being ONE more person who did what it takes each and every day to survive this illness.

Sincerely,
Someone who believes in you

By: Tamara Richardson, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist, part-time private practice clinician in Stillwater, Oklahoma, and a senior clinical counselor at Oklahoma State

Operation Beautiful™: Mission Accomplished!
Heather Purdin, M.Ed., CTRS, RYT

“Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.” —Margaret Mead

Sometimes it is the smallest gestures that have the most profound impact. Who would have thought a post-it note with a short and sweet message such as “You are Beautiful!” would lead to a national trend?

Caitlin Boyle certainly did not, but that did not stop her from sewing the seed that has now become the masterpiece known as, Operation Beautiful™.

Her goal was to combat the societal epidemic of negative self-talk by countering it with a positive message. She first left the messages on mirrors in public restrooms at her work, gym, and local grocery store. She hoped, “Maybe some people read them and just smile, but I bet some people are truly touched by the effort of a random stranger.”

Caitlin eventually created a website and began putting the web address on the notes so people could join the mission as a community. In the battle against toxic self-talk, the Operation Beautiful™ website is a sort of headquarters always recruiting more soldiers to walk the talk!

Glamour Magazine, Women’s Day, Oprah Winfrey Network, and The Today Show have all taken notice. Today, Caitlin’s website receives thousands of hits from across the Globe from others who contribute to the cause. This time featuring inspirational messages geared toward girls 8-14, Caitlin just wrote her second book: Operation Beautiful™ for Best Friends. (Remember, this all started with a simple post-it note and a positive mind.)

I joined the cause two years ago when I discovered an Operation Beautiful™ note. Since, I have helped organize three “Operation Beautiful™” benefits with my band, reaching hundreds of attendees. Hopefully, some of these folks have gone on to spread the positivity. Regardless, the funds raised have been passed onto Project HEAL: Help to Eat, Accept, & Live, a nonprofit organization started by three brilliant teenagers that helps individuals battling eating disorders access the treatment they need.

Prevention + Intervention = REAL HOPE!

YOU can become part of the equation, part of the solution, and here is how:

What supplies do I need? This is the best part! This activity is incredibly accessible because it requires inexpensive items common to most households. Traditional supplies include: post-it notes as well as pens, pencils, gel pens, and/or markers. There are all sorts of shapes, sizes, and colors of post-it notes you can look for if you want to invest a few dollars into the project. You can always incorporate stickers too.

What do I write and where do I post the notes? Get creative and even animated. You can spread around your favorite quotes or make up your own encouraging messages. If you struggle with self-image yourself, just imagine what it is you might really need to hear today and then spread the love! You can embellish your messages by adding doodles, using different color combinations, and even drawing quick sketches to help your message capture one’s attention. It really comes down to how many notes you want to make and how much time you have to devote to the project.

People are now expanding the mission by using chalk on sidewalks and using non-permanent markets to draw directly on mirrors. Just be careful to respect public and private property by using methods that can easily be removed. By the way, if you walk by later and find your message is missing, it may have been picked up and taken home by someone who really needed it!

If you leave the www.operationbeautiful.com website on the post-it, people can learn more about this mission. You can also leave the website of an eating disorder non-profit organization. Regardless of your choice, just keep this to positive propaganda please!

Below is a list of 15 possible locations, as well as examples of what you might write.

1. Bathroom mirrors (Look in the mirror and repeat after me, “You are beautiful!”)
2. Dressing room mirrors (Objects in the mirror are more beautiful than they appear!)
3. Bathroom stalls (Size does not matter. Love yourself always and forever!)
4. Lockers in the gym or at school (Go out into the world knowing you are loved)
5. Scales at the gym (A mind is a terrible thing to waste and a waist is a terrible thing to mind.)
6. Diet and beauty product aisles at the store (You are magnificent just the way you are.)
7. Diet ads or Photoshopped images on magazine covers (REAL beauty is who you are!)
8. Self-help books at the library or bookstore (Rock Steady!)
9. Ice-cream shops (Life is short; eat dessert first!)
10. Children’s toy packages that encourage unrealistic body image (You are the twinkle in the stars.)
11. Public bulletin boards (You can do anything you set your mind too!)
12. Gas pumps (“Don’t worry about a thing. Every little thing is gonna be alright” –Bob Marley)
13. Random car windows in the parking lot (Smile! It’s beautiful and contagious.)
14. Inside your cabinet doors (You deserve to enjoy your life.)
15. On your refrigerator (Nourish your mind, body, and soul. Breathe deeply & repeat!)

Whether you run a treatment program, suffer from an eating disorder, have a loved one battling an eating disorder, or have recovered from one, you have wisdom to share, so go out and share it! My partner surprised me with a note a few days before we held our first Operation Beautiful™ benefit and I still cherish it!

One you get started, the ideas will start running and you might even have a difficult time keeping up with yourself. Remember, this will benefit you and someone else! It’s like feeding two birds with one seed. Beautiful indeed!

Go placidly amidst the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly, and listen to others, even the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexatious to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter; for there will always be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe; no less than the trees and the stars, you have the right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labours and aspirations in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

-Attributed to Max Ehrmann 1927

Which of the Harris Center’s recent achievements are you most proud of?

One of the questions that frequently came up [among patients] early on, was, “What is going to happen to my daughter or me in one year or five years or 10 years, whether I get treatment or I don’t. Will I ever recover from this?” In 1987 we were funded by the National Institute of Mental Health, the NIMH, to do a prospective follow-up study of 246 women with anorexia and bulimia. We are now in the 25th year of mapping the course of their disorders, what happens over time. So that’s what’s going on currently.
What findings has the study yielded up to this point?

So far we’ve been able to determine, unfortunately, the severity of this illness. In the first 11 years of the study, 10 of the 136 women with anorexia nervosa died. These were young women. And we wouldn’t have known that they had died if we weren’t following them. They weren’t necessarily in treatment — they might have gone for 3 months or been in psychotherapy or stopped and then started — but we were going to record all of it so at least we would know what [care] they had. It gave us a chance to look at who gets better. What are the factors that predict better outcomes or worse outcomes? I’m not sure we know that there’s a specific treatment for the illness — you take this and you do this, and you so-called “get better.” That is an area that we keep working on.”

This year and in previous years, you’ve invited members of the fashion industry, including Anna Wintour, Diane von Furstenberg and several models, to speak at the Harris Center’s annual Public Forum. What’s your thinking there?

There’s obviously an interest in the fashion world because there is concern that [it] is a factor in the rise of eating disorders. So I was able to make contact with Anna Wintour, and she organized the panel [in 2010] with Michael Kors and [supermodel] Natalie Vodianova to come here and talk about that. To [take on] the issues, [ask], “What’s going on here?” [The discussion] partly had to do with the safety of models and partly had to do with impact of all this on the greater public. Though I’m always concerned about individuals and I don’t want models to suffer more than anyone else, my bigger concern truthfully is the [effect] on the whole society idealizing these figures, these models, these images, which fosters this “too thin” ideal.

For me working with the fashion industry is an opportunity to learn. There’s always this fear that you’re going to be seen as a colluder, but to make change in the fashion world is very much [about] chipping away. You can’t go in with a sledgehammer. The fact that Anna was here was a big step. Sometimes working with the industry is more effective than just purely attacking it.

Do we have a way of measuring the impact of media on rates of eating disorders?

I don’t think if we change the media, that suddenly there aren’t going to be eating disorders. But we’re continually gathering data about the rates of eating disorders whether that’s increasing or stabilizing. Individuals who develop eating disorders are not necessarily glued to fashion magazines. So how do you understand the impact of media?

There’s another piece of this that the new Israeli law [banning underweight models from local advertising and requiring disclosure of photoshopping] kind of got into, the digitalizing of images. Are we going to police every image out there? I’m not pushing for federal legislation. I’m pushing for more information.

Mother Speaks Out After Losing Daughter To Bulimia

April 2, 2012
Like many parents, Judy Avrin didn’t fully understand the gravity of bulimia, until she lost her daughter Melissa. To help shed light on the disorder, Avrin helped make a documentary inspired by her daughter’s journal entries. Avrin speaks with guest host Jacki Lyden about the film Someday Melissa.

JACKI LYDEN, HOST:
This is TELL ME MORE, from NPR News. I’m Jacki Lyden. Michel Martin is away. Coming up, he’s walked the runway in both menswear and women’s wear. He’s even modeled as an haute couture bride. We’ll learn the secret to Andrej Pejic’s unconventional beauty and gender-bending in just a moment.
First, we go behind closed doors, as the program often does on Mondays. That’s where we talk about issues people usually keep private, and eating disorders are that kind of issue.
Up to 24 million Americans of all ages and genders suffer from these illnesses, according to the National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and associated disorders.

Today, we want to focus specifically on bulimia. It’s when people go through frequent cycles of binge eating, followed by purging. Judy Avrin lost her daughter, Melissa, to this illness in 2009, and she helped make a documentary about her teen daughter’s battle with bulimia to help other families and educators and health care workers understand this disease.

In the movie, Judy Avrin admits that she spent some time in denial about her daughter’s condition.

JUDY AVRIN: And then I found, in her drawer – in her dresser drawers – glasses with chewed up and spit out food in it. Melissa was absolutely and totally resistant to even talking about it.

LYDEN: That was Judy Avrin in her film, “Someday Melissa: The Story of an Eating Disorder, Loss and Hope.” And she recently showed the film about her daughter at the National Institute of Mental Health here in Washington, D.C. It’s also being screened at colleges and community groups.
Judy Avrin joins us in the studio now. Thank you so much for coming in, and we’re very sorry about the loss of Melissa.

AVRIN: Thank you. And I’m proud and happy to be here and share her story.

LYDEN: This film was inspired by many things, by this devastating illness within your family, by the writings you found in your daughter’s journal about the arc of her life. There’s one entry that so gets to the heart of the matter. It’s a poem that she wrote. Judy, would you please read it for us?

AVRIN: Someday, I’ll eat breakfast. I’ll keep a job for more than three weeks. I’ll have a boyfriend for more than 10 days. I’ll love someone. I’ll travel wherever I want. I’ll make my family proud. I’ll make a movie that will change lives.

LYDEN: Which is exactly what you’ve done here. How did it feel to find that poem, and was that the inspiration for the film that you’ve made?

AVRIN: The poem, I actually didn’t see the first time I read through the journal. I had finally gotten up the courage to read it about two months after she died. And after I did, I honestly thought about putting the journal in a drawer and forgetting about what she’d written. And it was sometime later when I was speaking to the director, he mentioned someday, and I went back and read the poem, and I got chills.

LYDEN: It isn’t only this poem, which is so remarkable, but her writings in her journals throughout the arc of her illness really got quite profound, and there’s a lot of recognition there, which sort of goes to show the grip of something that she was in. She died in May of 2009, but you start the film, really, with her childhood.

AVRIN: Melissa was a happy, healthy, creative, funny, very normal child. And it was around the age of 13 that she began struggling with the body image issues that ultimately led to the depression and the eating disorder that took her life. It was even certainly harder for my husband to understand it, but I do talk in the film about my own history with bulimia. I battled with it for many, many years. But my eating disorder was not as severe as Melissa’s, so I think it allowed me to minimize the early warning signs.

LYDEN: In this arc of her life, things start to change, and she’s withdrawing in school and she’s about 14. So what were some of the things you were seeing?

AVRIN: She would start wearing baggy clothes, and that’s a really classic sign of somebody who’s just not comfortable with their body. Large amounts of food would start to disappear, but we were the house that a lot of the kids would come to. So both of my kids had, you know, friends in and out of the house and then the really, really classic sign that I didn’t know until much later was she developed really severe constipation. And if the food is – and if it’s going in and coming out, or if it’s not going in at all, you’re not going to have a normal digestive system. And we had many, many visits to doctors and gastroenterologists before anyone ever uttered the word eating disorder.

LYDEN: And what was your husband’s reaction when that diagnosis was made?

AVRIN: He did not understand, as many people do, that it’s something really serious.

LYDEN: And people also think it’s a choice?

AVRIN: Which is one of the biggest misconceptions there is. It’s not a choice, and as hard as this is to understand, it’s not about the food. It may start as wanting to lose a couple of pounds, but it can transform very quickly into disordered eating and turn into a full-fledged eating disorder. And at that point, it is a mental illness.

LYDEN: I want to talk about that aspect of its being a mental illness, because I don’t know much about bulimia, but I will say here that I grew up very much with – in the presence and with – and love – a mentally ill mother. And there’s a clip in this film that I think really links it to the profundity of mental illness itself and how someone becomes someone else.
And this is where your son, Melissa’s brother, is talking about seeing your daughter out on the sidewalk in front of the house at night.

UNIDENTIFIED MAN: In the bitter, freezing cold, she’s going through the garbage out on the curb looking for something to eat. And I went outside, and I yelled her name. Just the way she looked back at me was so empty, vacant. It was a deer in headlights, but that doesn’t explain it.

LYDEN: At this point, even you say she’s in the grip of something that feels like a demon.

AVRIN: She really wanted to get healthy and get well, but it would so control her and she wouldn’t be able to eat moderate amounts of food.

LYDEN: You had to lock up food. You couldn’t leave anything in the house. The cupboard had to be either bare or, you know, have a lot of shots in the film of a lock over a trunk of food. And that made the house – the fact of you locking the food, Judy Avrin, was like it made the house less of a home.

AVRIN: It did. And what I want you to understand, that came years into her illness, and it would be at times when she was, as I said, so in the grip of this eating disorder that she would consume anything. And if she did, it meant she would have to purge it.

LYDEN: If you’re just joining us, this is TELL ME MORE, from NPR News. I’m Jacki Lyden. We’re talking with Judy Avrin about her documentary about her daughter, “Someday Melissa: The Story of an Eating Disorder, Loss and Hope.”

One of the things that you did for Melissa was send her to a kind of self-confidence camp in Idaho, and that becomes kind of a celebration, in the end, for your family. Let’s listen to how that goes for her in Idaho.

UNIDENTIFIED WOMAN: (as Melissa Avrin) Dear Mom and Dad, I finally made it through my first week here, and so far what I’ve worked on is realizing what I do and why I do it. I’m not going to justify my past actions. They were wrong and dangerous and careless, and I’m so sorry I hurt you.

AVRIN: It’s a wilderness program that works with kids with all kinds of problems, drinking and drugs and eating disorders. And by the end of – I believe it was six weeks – she was so incredibly proud of what she had accomplished. She rediscovered the joy of being healthy.

LYDEN: Which is one of the things you show in this film, and I think that’s so great, Judy Avrin, that we don’t only see her as a collection of symptoms. Did you feel, after the wilderness camp, that you’d turned a corner?

AVRIN: Absolutely did. And she was about to turn 18. And, generally, kids who come from programs like this need a transition, and it’s better not to come right back home. And we had selected a therapeutic boarding school for her to go to. And while she was there, she truly rediscovered the joy of her brain. She was incredibly bright, an amazing writer. She tutored other kids. So in that sense, that next stage was positive, but the eating disorder came back in full force.

LYDEN: But she would eventually get into even the college she wanted.

AVRIN: Yeah. She wanted to be a filmmaker, and Emerson College was her dream school. And a week before she died, she got a phone call. And then a week after she died, the big envelope came.

LYDEN: Why did you want to make this film? You must think that there are many misconceptions about bulimia.

AVRIN: There are so many misconceptions. The general public, I think – to them, the face of an eating disorder is somebody with anorexia, extremely underweight, malnourished, the bones protruding. A typical bulimic generally will be within normal weight ranges, and that makes the eating disorder invisible.

LYDEN: Melissa was within normal ranges?

AVRIN: Absolutely. You know, her weight varied from time to time, but people would tell her she looked so great, you know, not knowing that she was purging and…

LYDEN: And I think perhaps another thing that’s not known is the devastating toll that it takes on the internal organs. The lack of potassium weakens the muscles. This is really not precisely starvation as we may think of it, but you are doing devastating things to your organs.

AVRIN: Right. And that’s ultimately what took Melissa’s life. She had a heart attack because her body chemistry was so out of whack. And you also don’t have to be sick for a long time. All it takes is one time that you purge and your electrolytes or your potassium are out of whack, and you can have a heart attack.

LYDEN: Had you worried – I want to ask you frankly, Judy Avrin – that she might succumb? That she might die?

AVRIN: Never. Never. I always believed she would recover. Even as difficult as it is to go through this cycle, I always believed she would recover.

LYDEN: So what has been the most helpful thing? She passed away May the 6th, 2009. What do you think – as you’ve had some time now, several years, nearly, to live with this?

AVRIN: Making the film, first of all, was an incredibly therapeutic way for me to channel my grief. And what has come from the film – and I say I would trade it all in a heartbeat to have her back.

LYDEN: Obviously.

AVRIN: But she is so inspiring others around the world, and I get emails, truly, on a daily basis. I got one the other day from a young woman in Texas. I’m 26 and I realized months ago, after hearing Melissa’s story, that I have so many somedays I still want to live, and I’m fighting for my recovery. Or I’ll hear from people – from families who say watching this film made me understand my child’s eating disorder unlike anything else has.
And therapists are using it for treatment and intervention. And she’s giving other people hope.

LYDEN: You’ve really made her live again.

AVRIN: Thank you.

LYDEN: Judy Avrin is the co-executive producer of the documentary about her daughter, “Someday Melissa: The Story of an Eating Disorder, Loss and Hope.”
Thank you so much for making this documentary about your late daughter and for coming in and sharing your story with us.

AVRIN: Thank you. It’s been an honor.

Copyright © 2012 National Public Radio®. For personal, noncommercial use only. See Terms of Use. For other uses, prior permission required.

http://playequalspeace.com

Make sure you visit the website. We all need to incorporate more play in our lives and in our clients lives!